Ego

Had a tough work at week, working 15 hour days and was very stressed and frazzled by the end of the week. It's taking me a lot of time to unwind. I went off at a guy at work in a bad way, I felt on the edge....I also said something very unkind to a fellow Aunkai member tonight, it was very wrong and I hurt him by what I said. I have along way to go before I am the man I want to be...my ego is very strong, but me ego tells me it isn't very strong but it is.... I care greatly about people say or think about me, I have to let it all go, none of it matters. I need to have a big heart, I need to open it and look to where I can help and be good to be people..
I have to stop looking for ways to feed the never ending appetite that is my ego. Being a man and a Bujutsuka means that I have to take responsibility for the change and make it now, no more excuses... I want to be the man, that dreamed about being when I was a boy .

Imashimeru

Imashimeru is a Japanese word I first heard at Aunkai practice. It means to tighten and to discipline yourself both in body and mind. In the case of the mind, I have many desires and many chances to be easy on myself and makes excuses. Imashimeru means to tighten and control my mind and not give in to the desires and excuses which come up all the time. It's tough but personally the more I do it the more my spirit understands what is going to be the norm going forward. Habits and behaviours can sometimes be coerced in change, sometimes tricked into change , sometimes forced but mostly helped to accept the changes necessary. Sometimes the changes can only come after a lot of pain, then we will accept change.
Imashimeru for the body means dialling your power back, you movement back, that satisfying way of using and tensing muscles. It means to go back to pure bujutsu principles and not to rely on strength, athleticism or size to deal with a opponent, only pure bujutsu.
Imashimeru also means to tighten my ego, to accept loss and to accept where I stand at the moment and to not give into my need to posture and blow up my ego. To be quiet, humble and keep training without fanfare or gain, just train and learn.

Kneading the body

Went to training at Aunkai tonight. Sensei spoke about a deep concept, kneading the body. This kneading and open closing of the body is the key to bujutsu. Posture and correct hip alignment are a prerequisite, then we need to think about how to knead and open/close the body to move, accept an opponents movement and then issue a response from a deep place in the body. If the power comes from a deep enough place, the opponent will not feel it until it's already in him. This is the reason why bujutsu is so unique and dangerous.
I am enjoying my training very much. I approach it with a carefree and relaxed attitude and I am getting better results. I don't want to be famous or the strongest fighter anymore or to prove myself. I just want to train and explore my body ,mind and heart and find out who I truly am. Aunkai is a for me a true gift....

Spirit

I trained tonight at Aunkai and tried to focus on dropping and rolling my spine to adjust my hip position. This connects my arms to my hips and makes my hands feel heavy which helps in contact. Now I have to work on bridging to my opponent and the chuo/dantien to connect to my elbows outwards.

I wanted to write about spirit, what does this mean to Bujutsu. Do I have the right spirit? What is the right spirit. I have heard Akuzawa Sensei talk about spirit and in the end that's all it comes down too, it comes down to my spirit. I have also read other martial art masters who talk about the highest level is your spirit. Akuzawa Sensei once said to me that i the most important thing is to grab some of his spirit, so I can remember it if I am not training with him. That it should be enough to help me keep going and to continue to learn and develop.
I must seek that spirit.....

Determined
Brave
Kind
Compassionate
Open
Fierce
Uncompromising
Honest
Truthful
Forgiving
Calm
Disciplined
Flexible
Seek only the truth
Humble