Ego

Had a tough work at week, working 15 hour days and was very stressed and frazzled by the end of the week. It's taking me a lot of time to unwind. I went off at a guy at work in a bad way, I felt on the edge....I also said something very unkind to a fellow Aunkai member tonight, it was very wrong and I hurt him by what I said. I have along way to go before I am the man I want to be...my ego is very strong, but me ego tells me it isn't very strong but it is.... I care greatly about people say or think about me, I have to let it all go, none of it matters. I need to have a big heart, I need to open it and look to where I can help and be good to be people..
I have to stop looking for ways to feed the never ending appetite that is my ego. Being a man and a Bujutsuka means that I have to take responsibility for the change and make it now, no more excuses... I want to be the man, that dreamed about being when I was a boy .

Imashimeru

Imashimeru is a Japanese word I first heard at Aunkai practice. It means to tighten and to discipline yourself both in body and mind. In the case of the mind, I have many desires and many chances to be easy on myself and makes excuses. Imashimeru means to tighten and control my mind and not give in to the desires and excuses which come up all the time. It's tough but personally the more I do it the more my spirit understands what is going to be the norm going forward. Habits and behaviours can sometimes be coerced in change, sometimes tricked into change , sometimes forced but mostly helped to accept the changes necessary. Sometimes the changes can only come after a lot of pain, then we will accept change.
Imashimeru for the body means dialling your power back, you movement back, that satisfying way of using and tensing muscles. It means to go back to pure bujutsu principles and not to rely on strength, athleticism or size to deal with a opponent, only pure bujutsu.
Imashimeru also means to tighten my ego, to accept loss and to accept where I stand at the moment and to not give into my need to posture and blow up my ego. To be quiet, humble and keep training without fanfare or gain, just train and learn.

Kneading the body

Went to training at Aunkai tonight. Sensei spoke about a deep concept, kneading the body. This kneading and open closing of the body is the key to bujutsu. Posture and correct hip alignment are a prerequisite, then we need to think about how to knead and open/close the body to move, accept an opponents movement and then issue a response from a deep place in the body. If the power comes from a deep enough place, the opponent will not feel it until it's already in him. This is the reason why bujutsu is so unique and dangerous.
I am enjoying my training very much. I approach it with a carefree and relaxed attitude and I am getting better results. I don't want to be famous or the strongest fighter anymore or to prove myself. I just want to train and explore my body ,mind and heart and find out who I truly am. Aunkai is a for me a true gift....

Spirit

I trained tonight at Aunkai and tried to focus on dropping and rolling my spine to adjust my hip position. This connects my arms to my hips and makes my hands feel heavy which helps in contact. Now I have to work on bridging to my opponent and the chuo/dantien to connect to my elbows outwards.

I wanted to write about spirit, what does this mean to Bujutsu. Do I have the right spirit? What is the right spirit. I have heard Akuzawa Sensei talk about spirit and in the end that's all it comes down too, it comes down to my spirit. I have also read other martial art masters who talk about the highest level is your spirit. Akuzawa Sensei once said to me that i the most important thing is to grab some of his spirit, so I can remember it if I am not training with him. That it should be enough to help me keep going and to continue to learn and develop.
I must seek that spirit.....

Determined
Brave
Kind
Compassionate
Open
Fierce
Uncompromising
Honest
Truthful
Forgiving
Calm
Disciplined
Flexible
Seek only the truth
Humble

Components of Bujutsu

I have thinking recently that there are many components that I need to work on in bujutsu. First there is posture; how I align my body with gravity and increase the efficiency which I can load weight into my body. This is part alone is a massive undertaking.
Then there is what I would call how to bridge and interact with your opponent. Bridging is involved in free grappling standing and ground as well as striking. This is the ability to engage your opponent in a bujutsu way! In striking it means not telegraphing, moving smoothly between contact and striking, keeping the energy of movement smooth and constant as you generate strike after strike. Keeping the energy flowing so that you don't get tired and keep using your body movement efficiently to generate strikes. In grappling or standing free I need to learn how to contact my opponent without them knowing where I am going to generate power from and when. Then I have to have smooth and constant movement when I initiate my move so that the opponent doesn't react until it's too late. I have to make sure that each of component parts taking part in the movement move evenly with the equal same amount of power used by each part without one part overpowering the other parts.
Finally there is the mental/mind part and the spirit part and the heart of bujutsu. I need to be calm, flexible and able to adjust to any situation I find myself in. It is easier to keep your posture and connection inan controlled environment, but then if you throw a live opponent into the mix you have a altogether situation. How to keep calm and act objectively. I have fought in many competition fights and it is hard to keep the objectivity which is so essential to bujutsu. Trust me many people think they can do this and that, but when the reality of a aggressive opponent faces you then each and everyone of is has to ask ourselves some serious questions.
This brings me onto the spirit!!!
I need the spirit for the fight, that never quit attitude, with a calm objective mind, the passion and heat and the cold objective mind must co-exist in the spirit for true Bujutsu to materialise.
From True Bujutsu I must also have a kind open and loving heart. The biggest battles are fought with myself not with any opponents. That is the true value of training and bujutsu the development of my heart - which I must make bigger, more open and more compassionate. I think this is the true gift of bujutsu and the true key to bujutsu.

Monk Shidejian

I have been training regularly everyday now since around the 20th of December and I have made some improvements and feel much happier about my training and the reasons for my training. I realised I was training and trying to get better and learn Jutsu for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to be strong, for people to talk about me and say how amazing I was.....

It all changed for me when I watched a documentary about a shaolin monk called Shidejian who trains at a mountaintop monastery with a small number of students and teaches Chanwuyi, which is zen, martial arts and medicine. His martial arts style is called xingyiba and is mostly an internal style and relies on everyday activity to train structure and connectivity and whole body power.
Something about him struck me as being very different, happy, peaceful and pure. He mentioned that his teacher told him that in order to learn martial arts he must first learn to be a good person. Then he can learn martial arts and then if he becomes good he can learn the medicine and help people. I could talk about this guy all day long..... He trains very purely and heals the people he can for free very selflessly.
One thing struck me that made a difference to my outlook on my training. He said martial arts are not to show off, see who is strongest or to hurt anyone. Martial arts are a way to discipline and train yourself to be a better more peaceful person, it's never been about fighting. I have heard this many times, but for some reason for me it never rung true because it when it was said it never sounded sincere just said because it was the thing to be said. But I could tell when Shidejian said it and by the way he lives and train a that he means it.... I then remember that Akuzawa sensei also said the same thing many years ago. He said it's not and has never been about who is stronger or weaker, it's about your spirit.... How has your spirit developed. Shidejian also said that the training makes you healthy and enjoy life.

So to get to the point this is how I am now approaching my training, with an easy going relaxed mindset, enjoying it whilst still training hard and not being focused on being the toughest man in the world. And low and behold I have now made my biggest connections and understandings in all my 7 years of training. I cannot wait to train everyday and feel my body is coming together as a unit and my mind it more peaceful when I train. I am enjoying so much.
I would highly recommend watching Shidejian on YouTube, he is a very inspiring man.....

My Aunkai K-2 fight back in 2009